CNN reports that in the sleepy hollow of Melbourne’s North East, the Chinese earthquake disaster with it’s 20,000 fatalities, has been wiped off the front pages of local newspapers, by the “great 3 Ravens beer scandal”.
A noted local connoisseur, WJ Beer-nuts, was quoted as saying “I allus has one at eleven”, in between rummaging through empty cartons for that elusive “needle in the haystack”. He said “we get a couple of boxes delivered each week, usually on a Tuesday, but today, none, zero, zilch”. He also went on to say that in fact the delivery van had in deed turned up, only to steal “his kitchen”. At the time of going to print, that cannot be verified, however, there is a trail of cooking oil leading from the “kitchen storage area” through to the car park, where a getaway delivery van could in deed have been parked. Local resident and part time human rights campaigner, “Blind Harry”, who is fact blind, said he didn’t see anything suspicious, but may have heard a door slam. Harry, who’s ears are painted on, and has no nose, or fingers and eats with his toes, and cannot be relied upon as a credible witness, but was keen to identify the driver from a police line up hastily assembled from known felons who populate the area. Harry, speaking in Braille, identified the statue of David as the culprit, and after feeling his way around the plaster with his hairy toes. Another witness, Dyan, Princess of St George Rd Cross declined to comment, on the grounds that anything she may say, may be held against on the next pub crawl and finally Jehovah Witness, King Kong didn’t even see the accident……….stay tuned for further developments………..